Five Guys Surprise

Marilyn recently had her first taste of Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Yummm, greasy goodness! I've been trying to watch my diet, so I regretted eating it even while I was still in the act of eating it... yet I continued to eat it.

When one approaches the counter of a restaurant like Five Guys, she expects to be greeted with, "Hello, can I take your order?" Instead, I was hit with this: "Are you here to apply for a job?"

Excuse me?

Granted, I was bra-less, hungover and hadn't washed my hair in two days, but since when are you allowed to judge a book by its cover? I thought this was America.

I politely clarified that I had entered the premises as a paying customer and I proceeded to place my order. Eager to nip this case of mistaken identity in the bud, I took care to ensure my words were clear and eloquent to counteract the stale tequila breath coming from the same mouth.

I moved to the side to wait for my order and reached into my bag for my Blackberry. Nada! I had forgotten it at home. To my chagrin, I had to stand there with nothing buy my own thoughts for a solid 10 minutes. Torture! No texting, no web browsing, no Facebook stalking... how do people live like this?

I considered pulling out my book and knocking out a few pages, but I worried this might appear condescending. Is it appropriate to flaunt your literacy in a burger joint? I could already feel the cashier's glare... "We get it, Marilyn, you don't need a job here. I hope this burger makes you fat."