No Use Crying Over Spilt MILK

Figures that as soon as I reveal my MILK secret (money.id.lipstick.keys) to the world, the whole acronym falls to shit. I was a few hours into Saturday night when I came to the sad realization that I had forgotten my ID and credit card at home. This is what I get for making a hasty switch from my giant work purse to my slim "going out" purse without going through the MILK mental checklist. But Marilyn wouldn't let that little snafu hold her back! Quick detour to pick up her ID, and she's back in the game! Gotta keep on keepin' on.

Seeking validation, I said to the bouncer: "Hey, funny story. See how I just got out of that cab? Well, I was already downtown earlier in the night, but I had forgotten my ID. People told me I couldn't get in here without my ID, so I went all the way back home to get it. Is there any way you would have let me in without the ID?" His stoic response: "Absolutely not." He was clearly uninterested in my backstory, but I babbled on: "Okay, so you're saying I definitely made the right decision?" He had already moved on to the next person in line, and barked at me, "It's $5 to get in." Ouch... in my FACE.

This leads us to an examination of the MILK hierarchy. Clearly, I is the most integral component. You can't play the game if you can't get in. M & K are a toss-up. Both are important, but if you play your cards right, you can probably get away without them. What about L, you ask? That's recently been knocked down a notch.

You see, Marilyn's life started out with a serious weight problem. Please stop feeding me! I can't move my face. She seemed destined to be plagued by body image issues.

However, by age 3, she had slimmed down a bit and started looking to cousin Kelly for make-up tips. I'm in awe of your beauty. Teach me how to apply lipstick.

From that day forth, L became an important part of the equation. (Okay, maybe not that day forth, but you get the point. There's a reason a lady goes out with MILK, and not just MIK.) All that primping and preening and coiffing. Does it really matter? Apparently not.

Because you know what, Marilyn? Even when the lipstick wears off... you're still pretty :)