Continuing confusion about my name has conditioned me to respond to any name that starts with M. I'm Pavlov's Marilyn and I'm often mistaken for an adolescent.
- Just opened the door to someone who asked if my mom and dad were home. Unsure whether this offends or flatters me.
- Saleslady: You must hear this a lot, but you have a face just like the girl from Family Ties. Me: Justine Bateman? Lady: No, that show with Kirk Cameron. Me: Tracy Gold? Lady: No, the little girl. Me: Oh. Chrissy... the 8-year-old.
- Flying south for the winter! A TSA agent asked if I was ready to go back to college after visiting my parents for fall break. I wish.
- Was just carded while attempting to buy wine STOPPERS. Sigh.
- Is both amused/annoyed by 2 40-something orientation-mates who make continuous irrelevant references to their collective 3 ex-husbands, 5 children (ranging from 8mos to 28yrs), and 2 grandchildren (with 1 on the way). After 2 days, the new BFFs refer to each other as "babe" and plan to hit the bar tomorrow in celebration of "Working Women's Wednesday." I will now develop a Thelma & Louise-esque sitcom about 2 overworked and underpaid middle-aged nurses. They take care of patients at work and kids at home... something's gotta give! So on wed nights, they let loose with bud lite, line dancing, and start a crime spree in hopes of seducing police officers (bc I'm told nurses, of course, mostly marry cops).
- Fielded the following pertinent questions at work this morning: How old are you? Do you have a husband? Do you have a church? And I'm the sucker who smiled and answered politely.
- Today at work, I was informed that when someone looks into my office from a certain angle, they see only my hand. Due to my fair complexion, this apparently resembles a skeleton wax hand from a bowl of Halloween candy. WHO SAYS THAT?!
- Someone shared that her husband is a materials engineer specializing in absorbency. He hold several patents for tampon "innards," some of which are framed in their guest bathroom.
- A person I've worked with every day for the last month just greeted me with "Good morning, Marilyn!" I was angry for a half second until she followed it up with "you look cute today."
- The lady at work referred to me as Marilyn again today... this time in a written email... even though she had to find my address by searching for my real name in the directory. This is starting to get awkward.
- I overheard the work lady whisper, "What's the name?" Then she came to my office and said, "I am so sorry for calling you Marilyn in that email. I just got back from cruise to Guatemala, and well... you know how that goes." No, I do not.
- While attempting to dress a 3-year-old, I accidentally put both legs in one pant leg. His response: "I'm a penguin. Waddle, waddle, waddle." He was really thinking: Get it together, Marilyn.
- A would-be big sister engaged me in some "straight talk" due to our perceived similarities. Her: People think I'm ditzy, but I'm very smart. This isn't PC, but I'll be honest. You're going to be challenged because you're a woman and you're young. Me: I know. I'm surprised that people think it's ok to flat-out ask my age. Her: Yeah. Sooo...how old are you anyway?
- A perfectly hot stranger stopped me in the hall to say he likes my glasses. Finally, some sense around here! I may never wear contacts again. Spexy!
- Was disturbingly close to responding to questions for Marilyn at a meeting today... until I realized there was a real Marilyn in the room. That would've been tough to explain.
- 8am banter from the woman who calls me Marilyn: "Girl, that's why I have a pistol in my nightstand and I'll blow up anyone who comes in my bedroom." I think I'll let her call me whatever she wants...
- My Boss: Jane is going to the lunch on Mon. The Woman: Is Marilyn going? My Boss: Um, Jane is going. The Woman: But what about Marilyn? My Boss: Um, are we talking about Maureen?
- My dept has taken to referring to any type of preliminary analysis as a "quick and dirty," so that people are always asking each other to "do a quick and dirty." I seem to be the only one who finds this inappropriately funny. My grounds for a lawsuit are growing, and I hope to retire by 30!
- During a 1-hour meeting, there were no fewer than 4 references to attendance at church events this weekend. I thus limited the description of my weekend to "pretty good."
- People discussing the "cold" SC weather (current temp: 45) referenced the "phenomenal insulation" of wolves that allows them to survive temps of 50 below. 1) I doubt this is true. 2) It is 100 degrees warmer than that! You need a cardigan, not a wolf coat.
- Isn't it ironic that a woman named Marilyn is the one who realized everyone forgot to invite Maureen to the Christmas lunch?
- It was worth coming to work today just to hear this exchange. Woman: "Let me tell you something about women to put in your 'future wife' file. Acrylic nails are too thick to work necklace clasps." Man: "Do you know what use that is to me? ZERO."
- Back at work and opening mail addressed to a Maureen Coyle.
- A lady just asked me, "Melissa, do you bake?"
- Someone just tried to tell me that balance is an oxymoron. Reply: "No it is not, my wise co-worker."
- Was asked to distribute a Crime Dog McGruff pamphlet about the rising rate of homicide in the workplace. Who could do that with a straight face?! The pamphlet also addresses human trafficking, which I didn't realize was such a problem in this town. Here I was thinking McGruff only dealt with lighthearted crimes like stolen lunch money.
No comments:
Post a Comment