Always a Bridesmaid

Here's an oldie but a goodie for your amusement. This is me as a junior bridesmaid in 1992. Thanks to this atrocious photo, I was a 2007 People magazine finalist for "Ugliest Bridesmaid."

What a pastel disaster! God knows you couldn't buy this mess of a dress off the rack. The bride had these dresses custom made by a tailor. I clearly remember going to the tailor's house... and going into his bedroom for a fitting... and, uhh, sitting on his water bed. In retrospect, this seems suspicious. I can't remember if there was wood paneling and a home video camera, but it's possible. Perhaps the "tailor's" glaring lack of fashion sense should have tipped me off that his design business was a front.

The devil is in the details. The dress features a giant 3D pink rosette flanked by puffy sleeves the size of my head. It was like wearing football gear. Each car could hold only two bridesmaids due to our large wingspan.  The bodice had pink piping that went up around the hips and came to a point right where it matters. Gotta accentuate the positive! Oh right, I was 11...pervy tailor. The look was completed by baby’s breath in the hair, white stockings, and white boats on my feet.

If I looked awkward as an 11-year-old girl, imagine the grown women forced to wear this dress. Brace yourself.