FSU, Greenville Chapter

It was another great weekend in Greenville, thanks to the History Channel. To prepare for the arrival of my out-of-town friends, the AWESOME Doctors O'Malley, I stopped at the liquor store on my way home from work on Friday. (I tried to take care of this on Thursday night, but apparently South Carolina state law closes all liquor stores at 7pm. What the hell?! I often don't get the urge to buy booze until well into the night. I can't imagine I'm alone in that.) I could not find the firefly sweet tea vodka in the vodka section of the store (I mean... that would just be a silly place to put it). My confusion must have shown. A man behind the counter asked, "Do you need any help?" I stated my problem. Then the man screams, "MOM!!!!!  Show her the firefly vodka!!!"

His very sweet eldery mother pointed out my poison and then rang up the transaction. While verifying my ID, she asked, "So your birthday is in August?" Um, no. September. I wondered if this was a test. She said. "Ok, that makes sense. My birthday is in July, the 7th month. So September is 9. These 2 (gesturing to her son and a small girl I presume to be her granddaughter) have birthdays in August." Phew. If I'm going to patronize a family-owned liquor store, I want to make sure they only have late summer birthdays.

Then the TV by the counter flashed a violent scene and the woman gasped in horror. "Oooh, what are we watching?" Her son answered incredulously, "It's the History Channel, mom!!" Pointing to the History Channel logo in the lower corner of the screen, she said, "Oh, that explains the H. I was wondering... Haaa... haaaa.... haaa." (That "haaa" is her sounding out the letter H). Haaa... haaa! (That "haaa" is me laughing.)

When my friends arrived, we started watching... what else?... the History Channel. Yup, that's how I entertain my house guests. Make your summer reservations now! We spent a few hours learning about gangs like the Warlocks, Satan's Disciples, and our favorite... FSU.

FSU is a gang that started in Boston, expanded to upstate New York, and spread a little bit further south this weekend. It has a double meaning - Friends Stand United and F*$# Shi!t Up. We did both. Just ask this crumpled up shot glass that survived a few hours in my pocket before being laid to rest on my end table. That S is F U'd. I can't speak for the doctors, but all I prescribe is cranberry and vodka.